Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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