I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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