I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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