I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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