I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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