I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize