the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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