I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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