how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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