Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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