your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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