god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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