i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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