cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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