Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize