He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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