Ambien. No doubt about it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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