So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
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You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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