If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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