As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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