all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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