I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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