You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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