if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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