i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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