Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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