You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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