I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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