Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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