Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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