Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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