Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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