I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize