My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize