I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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