That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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