so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I want is dick and wine.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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