After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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