I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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