This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize