my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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