Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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