Sry I called you an 8
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize