Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize