kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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