This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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