it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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