First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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