Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize