If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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